Talking About Lock Down Drills
The Lock Down Drill
I received the email a few minutes before picking my kiddo up from the bus stop. “Today our school conducted a Lock Down Drill”. In the email, the principal of the school mentioned that children may want to talk about the drill. “And remember to stay calm, remain open to questions, and let them know you are always available”. I wanted to cry.
My son is in Kindergarten and honestly, the entire Summer leading up to the beginning of school, I felt like a big anxiety ball. My baby was going to be in school. Columbine. Sandy Hook. Uvalde. Those are schools with other people’s babies.
Fear & Anxiety
I was 15 when the shooting at Columbine happened. I was in Spanish class and my teacher turned on the television. We all watched in horror as students (our age) were being rushed out of the school with their hands above their heads, people on stretchers were being loaded into ambulances, and officers with guns drawn were rushing into the school. I couldn’t stop crying that day as the death toll kept climbing. Columbine rocked my perception of the world and my own safety.
The rabbit hole of “what ifs” was strong. The “what ifs” became overwhelming once I had my own child. And now, with his first lock down drill, my baby was being introduced to the “what ifs”. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm.
The Conversation
“Hey kiddo, I heard you had a lock down drill today.”
“Yeah, we sat in the corner by the bookshelf.” Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
At first he was very matter of fact about what he was told and what they practiced. And then he said “I felt nervous when they said ‘lock, lights, out of sight’.” Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. And then the questions started coming… “Why does a bad guy want to hurt us?” “Can a bad guy break the windows?” “Why do we have to practice?”
The principal said to stay calm and be open to questions. It was taking every ounce of my strength to not cry and keep my voice steady. I wanted to answer all of my kiddo’s questions, and I did the best that I could, but I still felt lost and unsure. I don’t want him to feel unsafe or scared at school. How do I answer his questions without creating the next generation of anxiety balls?
Put Things Into Perspective
I wanted advice on how to talk to my kiddo and so I did some research and reached out to his teacher. I’ve learned some things that have really helped me. Things I really wish I had been prepared with before this first lock down drill.
I thought I’d share, just in case there’s any other parent out there that could use this information too. Between what I know about early childhood development and what I learned from my kiddo’s teacher and the resources she provided, here’s what I’ve come up with:
Stay calm -
Especially with new situations, children look to you to see how they should respond. If you are anxious and upset when talking about the lock down drill, they will feel anxious and upset.
If you stay calm, then your child will be more likely to stay calm, as well as hear and retain what you have to say.
Use non-scary language -
“We have a lock down if there is an unsafe situation and there are people making unsafe choices.” Weapons and violence are not discussed. Side note- my kiddo’s teacher used these terms, yet between the lockdown drill and coming home he heard (most likely from other students) the term ‘bad guy’.
“You move to a safe place in the room and sit so that you stay out of the way so the helpers (police) can do their jobs.” The term ‘hiding’ is not used.
“The job of the helpers is to keep everyone safe, including the person who is making unsafe choices.”
With younger kids - “Some people do things that we don’t understand and end up making poor and unsafe decisions.”
With older kids - “Some people can get angry and confused and end up making poor decisions that hurt people.”
Make comparisons -
Relating a new concept to something they already know (making comparisons), helps children understand those new concepts.
By the time most children practice their first lock down drill, they have already practiced a fire drill. Fires rarely ever happen at a school (in fact in all my years of going to school, I’ve never been in a school that caught fire), but we still have to practice fire drills. A lock down drill is just the same.
Practice to be confident -
You may get all the way through years of school with never having a real one, but it’s important to practice being safe.
When you practice enough, you don’t even have to think about it. Like looking both ways before crossing the road, it can become second nature. If you ever had a real lock down, you would already know what to do.
Lock down drills not only let students practice, but it also lets teachers and grownups practice. Grownups need practice too!
Things to avoid -
Avoid dismissing your child’s emotions. Saying things like “it’s okay, you’ll be fine, there’s nothing to worry about” may signal to your child that it’s not okay to feel sad or scared or anxious. Instead reply with “Oh, this must be very hard. I hear you. I would have felt the same way.”
Avoid re-enacting a real shooting. Some schools have adopted a “live crisis drill” allowing students and staff to think it’s the real thing. Sometimes even using actors, the sounds of gun fire, and fake blood. This can cause psychological damage and trauma for kids. Putting them in a fight or flight response does not allow the learning center of their brain to function.
Final Thoughts
You know your child best, so offer as much or as little explanation as you think is appropriate or necessary. The above phrases I mention (unsafe choices, move to a safe place, helpers, etc) are used by my kiddo’s school. Your child’s school my use slightly different language. I highly recommend reaching out to your school to find out the language they use when talking about drills so that you can use the same at home.
It became clear to me, after experiencing this drill, that I have a lot of anxiety that I have to work through. While the news of school shootings are horrific, they are also sensationalized. I have to remind myself that although there is no absolute guarantee that something bad will never happen, it is important to know the difference between the possibility of something happening and probability that it will.
School shootings don’t actually happen often. So I will continue to work on calming my anxiety, hug and kiss my kiddo as I send him off to school, and know that his school has staff and systems that work to keep him as safe as possible.
All my best,
Liana MacFarlane
Owner/Director
